


Being constipated is much better

by AnimeCurie



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, attack on
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Chapter 83, Drama, Everyone Has Issues, Female Hange Zoë, Gen, Humor, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Has Issues, Mad Scientists, Minor Levi/Eren Yeager, Minor Levi/Erwin Smith, New Special Operations Squad | New Squad Levi, Overprotective Mikasa, dead commander, dead erwin smith
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 17:01:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9451289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnimeCurie/pseuds/AnimeCurie
Summary: Levi used to think constipation was the worst thing that could happen to him....untill chapter 83SPOILERS





	

**Author's Note:**

> i do not own attack on titan or its characters.  
> this is a crack fic. kind of what i thought how the events could have taken place...yeah  
> and pls comment, criticism is appreciated

This was…. Levi has been through many shits, seen things that will make people puke their guts for weeks (Oluo don’t deny it). He had to see situations occur that made him feel numb. Deaths that he witnessed were…let’s just not go there. But whatever he was sure that nothing more fucked up in his life will ever occur. Except for now that is…

One side laid a charred dark brown body other a body covered in blood. Both were barely breathing. On his left side a brat stood there with his hand outstretched, behind him another brat, the annoying one, was ready with her blades out. ‘is she for serious, she thinks she can beat me??’ and on his right is a brat who…um…well…a brat with a pathetic confused expression.’ How the hell is he even alive, I don’t even fucking know his name?!’ Whatever. But the fact was this situation was more than fucked up is not changed.

Levi had taken many decisions in life, like how will clean which part of the castle. Who will be making tea? Who gets the fastest (dkgkgkdjkjdandshortestfahfkjfdg) horse? Who will stay behind in a mission to act a bait (more like food) while the rest move forward. Fuck he even makes decision on wearing which colored cravat everyday ( yes they are different shades of white, thank you). But never anything like this.  
Armin or Erwin? Who?  
Whom to save? Whom to keep alive? Whom to kill? Whom to give the power? to ensure their further survival. Whose dreams to fulfill?  
But was Levi thinking all this question..No. what Levi was thinking was  
‘Why, why? Fucking why me, this is why I did not wanted to take the god damn serum. I knew something like this would happen. Now what?’  
Okay so logic wise Erwin is the COMMANDER of the survey corps. And….he..Has killed a lot of people??!?Whereas Armin has supplied the crops with lots of strategies and as well as he also was able to find out whom the female titan was. Also made a plan to capture her. He also saved the life of his friends several times….. But whatever Erwin is the commander so that should be the reason enough to save him…right? ‘Well that was simple’ that settles it then..  
But it was not as simple as Levi thought.  
“I will save Erwin”  
“WHAT?” said Eren.  
‘Oh, shit!’ Levi thought ‘the hormonal brat is here’  
“Did you just say that….that…you will kill MY BEST FRIEND AND SAVE YOUR BEST FRIEND???!?”  
“What?..Who told you Erwin is my best friend??”  
“…he is not?”  
“nooooo, god no”  
“but” Eren looks confused now” I thought you two…you know, how you two were practically attached to the hips wherever there was commander, there was Levi and wherever Levi was, commander was there, so I thought that you know that you were friends I mean I also heard that you two were a thing you know, like every night noises come out of commanders-“  
“WAIT What??” Levi screamed.(O-O)”i!-he!-wha??-you!?-who?? And why the fuck are you smirking Ackerman?” Levi turned his head just to catch that small smile at the corner of her mouth.  
Mikasa just pretend to be innocent.  
“..but then why are you trying to save Erwin?” asked Mikasa cocking one eyebrow.(pls this has nothing to do with Erwin smith}  
“Yeah good point Mikasa” added Eren.  
‘Oh God what did I do to deserve this?’ ”listen…he is the head of the Survey Crops so of course I will save him’”  
“But Armin is also a important member of the Survey troops.” Said Eren desperately “besides he is practically like Erwin smith’s own son. They both are equally genius. I think Armin will make a great commander in Erwin smiths place.”  
“wait hold it there kid, no one gives a damn about what you think. Okay I am given the responsibility and I will do whatever the shit I want. And as far as the position of the commander goes, Hanji will be the next commander kid” explained Levi.  
There was a moment of silence…after that  
“..Squad leader Hanji?”  
“ yeah”  
“….”  
Everyone’s flashback  
“EXPERIMENT,EXPERIMENT,EXPERIMENT EXPERIMENT EXPERIMENT Sonny BEAN BEAN SONNY, BEANNY BEANNY SONNY, MY BABES, Eren EXPERIMENT EXPERIMENT TITANS TITANS TITANS,EXPERIMENT EXPERIMENT, EXPERIMENT, EXPERIMENT..”  
End of flash back  
“Which idiot decided this??” asked Eren  
“…Erwin…”said Levi with a sigh.  
“And you want to save this person?”  
Levi was done by now” look kid I know it will hurt for a while, but suck it up. Armin had tough luck, sorry kid, but Erwin gets to live” he announced and started to proceed towards Erwin.  
Only to be stopped by Eren right in front of his faces. Like literary. In. front. Of. His. Face. Like a few more inches and their lips were kis…sorry( Damn my fangirling shit stay inside, I am trying to make this serious)  
‘What the fuck is wrong with this brat, and fuck his breadth is disgusting..Ugh..’Levi thought.  
“Brat move”  
“No, I will not let you do this” said Eren gritting his teeth. He looked like he was ready to fight Levi for this.’ Really, first his annoying sister and now this stupid brother?’ now Levi was mildly annoyed.  
“I don’t understand, before this idiot looking guy””hey! I am right here”” was here with Commander you were giving it to Armin...why are you changing your choice now?”  
‘..This kid‘s an idiot’  
“Brat I just told you, Erwin smith is the C.O.M.M.A.N.D.E.R of the survey troops. He is the reason the survey troop has existed till now. If there is no him, then do you understand what will happen? This troop’s destiny will fall on the hands of a psychopath crazy scientist. So it’s IMPORTANT THAT HE LIVES EREN” Levi had finally lost it.  
“but that problem can be solved, if only we make Armin the commander instead Hanji and besides there are not many people left except for the ones here, so no one will object to it, please Levi” and then he touched his forehead to Levi’s and said in a very seductive voice ”please for me”  
Levi just looked.  
“…”  
“..”  
Levi punched Eren in the face.  
“NOOOO” shouted Mikasa while she pounced on Levi with her blades and all.  
‘Now what?’  
“Give me the serum, now Shorty” said Mikasa  
“No, get off, me you stink, what are you having periods or something, you smell disgusting”  
“..Shut up pervert” and Mikasa hit Levi hard on Levi’s head.  
“how dare you hit Eren like that,” smash, ”how dare you looked at Eren like that, pervert” smash” why are you not saving my friend Armin” thunk” why did you reject Eren when he wanted your attention” why are you always coming between me and Eren” smack.  
“But..” Levi spat blood” you are…contradicting yourself…”  
“I don’t care it’s YOUR FAULT FOR HITTING EREN” another hit.  
“…but..I… thought you wanted to save Armi-“  
“Shut up” and hit him again.  
“What…. do you…..want…. damn girl?” Levi couldn’t take it anymore.  
Meanwhile Mikasa (POV)  
‘This is it, no will know that I killed the Shorty, everyone will think that the titans ate him. Yes one less love rival, if Levi dies the Ereri ship will sink, and then I will have my chance, yes my plan is perfect. I have been waiting for a time like this, thanks Armin for making this kind of situation.’  
Back to Levi POV  
‘God looks like this brat is going to kill me. How the fuck can I save Erwin’s life when my own life is in risk, god why, why did this shitty girl have to be related to me. Is she even sane anymore I mean aren’t we suppose to save each other since we are like the last Ackerman’s left out there? Why the hell did I save her back then with the female titan? I even bothered to break my leg. Damn this brother and sister are a hell lot of trouble. I should have thought twice before taking them in my team, god, someone save me’  
Suddenly someone dropped on the roof and lunched herself at Mikasa saving Levi.


End file.
